RED VELVET CUPCAKES

I have never made Red Velvet cake in my life, and actually wasn’t entirely sure what it even consisted of prior to making it.
I knew it was red!

I got this ADHOC cake mix from Williams-Sonoma as a gift and I figured I might as well try it out.
It also happened to be one of the server’s birthdays at the restaurant I work at, so I figured it was the perfect time to make magic happen.

I opted out of making a layer cake because I live in Nashville and the weather has been punishingly hot these last few weeks.
Which means the cake would probably melt enroute.
The high today is 99.
Add our delightful Southern humidity and you have an actual recipe for disaster.
No bueno.

The recipe called for oil, buttermilk, vinegar, and eggs to be added.

And it is definitely red.

I suggest wearing black clothing when preparing this cake.
I’m a freakin idiot and did not.

I am definitely making these again if I ever have a TRUEBLOOD party.

My kitchen sink looked pretty suspect.

As did my oven.
Look how badly it needs to be cleaned.
Gross.

Here is my cream cheese frosting whirlin’ away in my beloved KitchenAid Mixer.

Close-up

Baked perfectly.

Gorgeous Scarlet hue.

Iced and dressed with mini chocolate chips!

Organized on a pretty silver platter with birthday candle added!

Look at the Happy Birthday girl!

MMMMMMmmmmmmmmm.

Overall they were a big success. Ashley loved them and I got lots of compliments from my co-workers!
Yay!

JUICY OOZERS.

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

Who comes up with this shit? Seriously.

They taste like cherry gummy snacks that yes, EXPLODE oozey stuff in your mouth.

It’s Saturday. Eat yourself Some Nachos.

Actually I ate these on Monday.
NOT on my diet.

Thanks PMS!

Another Set of Twin Eggs.

I’m not even sure what this brings the count to.
13? 14?
“Ridiculous”

Vintage Food Ads Make Me Chuckle…

An oldie but a goodie.

That looks like someone murdered that before canning it.

Your kids are only going to think this is “Treat Food” if they are REALLY stupid. I hope you don’t have stupid kids.
This is most definitely “DOG FOOD”

But….. I do dream in Biscuits. Most definitely.

I can imagine a world wear biscuits float by…

I can’t, however, imagine a world without fat kids.

KIDS AS FAT AS PIGS!!!

OHHHHHH…..Someone please get this girl a Xanax already. She freakin’ loves some strawberry jam.

Oh hey, here is more of these people loving the shit out of LARD.

Look at them loving it.
I’m going to puke in their tiny baby wine glasses.
See if they love that.

And this is nice. Ha. Ha. I get it. We are weak, can’t open jars.

Watch as my dainty lady hands open it by breaking it over your fat head.

“SO JUICY IT MAKES A NOISE WHEN YOU EAT IT”……I’m gonna walk away from this one folks…

Here are some D-bags too busy checking each other out to notice their culinary failure in full effect.

I wonder if the ladies are upset about the burgers burning to Shitsville or the fact that their dudes are secretly banging.

Oh 1950′s you have the roomiest closet…

Hooray For Cheerios!!

Cheerios! Who doesn’t love some fucking Cheerios!?

I didn’t realize Cheerios came in so many different flavors these days!

Classic Cheerios with a sliced up “Greenish” banana will always remain my favorite Breakfast option ever.

AND…I love Vintage product design!

I’m surprised that General Mills hasn’t brought back the “Cheerios gives you “Go” power” slogan…it’s pretty awesome!

Honey Nut Cheerios are also a yummy classic cereal that I often use as a dessert replacement.
(My dude likes to mix up greek yogurt with Honey Nut Cheerios, peanut butter, and whatever else is laying around the kitchen…which I think is sort of gross.)

Multigrain Cheerios are pretty good, but I’ve always thought they were a bit too sweet.

Banana Nut? What? Grossss…
Has anyone actually purchased these? Any good? Gimme feedback por favor!

I’m probably never going to review these because they just do not appeal to me in any way whatsoever.

So…What’s the deal with Fruity Cheerios? Are these basically watered down Fruit Loops?

I’m assuming that’s probably the deal with those as well as the Berry Burst Cherrios…

But there is actual fruit in the Berry Blast Cheerios…so maybe they tastes better.
Here is a shot of the Strawberry Berry Burst Cheerios.

I’m not even sure what Yogurt Burst Cheerios are trying to accomplish.
Hopping on board the yogurt craze bandwagon I suppose?
They look lame.

I recently bought a box of Chocolate Cheerios and they were pretty much watered down coco puffs.
Meh.

My favorite sugary cereal growing up was Count Chocula, so if I’m going to eat chocolate cereal I prefer it actually taste chocolatey. Otherwise, what’s the point?
I’m not a fan of sacrificing taste to lower my calorie intake.
I’d rather just eat something that tastes better.

Ohhhh Count Chocula… I still love you…

There are also Apple Cinnamon:

Frosted Cheerios:

& Oat Cluster Crunch:

I don’t really get all the flavor diversification going on at the Cheerios headquaters, but I’m sure there are fans of each flavor somewhere.

Personally, I’m going to stick with the classics.
You just can’t beat the classics.

Strawberries & Cream Oatmeal @ Marche Artisan Foods

Simple. Gorgeous. Summery.

Very satisfying and delicious!
Another Win for Marche!

http://www.marcheartisanfoods.com/pages/home.html

Thank You Cleveland.

I recently visited family in Cleveland, Ohio and I definitely did not take enough pictures of the food.
I did, however, get some good shots…so I will share them.

My cousin Mary took my brother & I to visit Rock Bottom Brewery on Lake Erie.

Apparently it was the last day this specific location will be open (SADFACE) but then we found out it’s a chain and there are over 30 locations nationwide (I just stopped caring face) and so they ordered some beers and we ate some giant Soft Pretzels with Cheesey Beer Dip (Happiest Face In Town)

I had never had a Soft Pretzel Before this one. I’m as serious as a heart attack.

Me likey.

( I realized that this was a most splendid opportunity to eat a copious amount of mustard, but I asked my server twice to bring me mustard and it just never happened so that kinda made me sad…otherwise we were pretty happy)

Here is a Delicious Mixed Berry Pie crafted with love by one of my Aunts:

Super Chocolatey Cake with Yummy Crunchy Crunchies:

Insides!!!

My Aunt Joy sneaking another piece:

The VERY BEST Gelato I have ever had, in Little Italy:

Mint Chocolate Chip…mmmmmmm

Tomato Tree in Little Italy:

My cousin Dominic taught me the very best way to consume beverages:

My youngest cousin Sevario showed me what corn-on-the-cob tears looked like when he was told he COULD NOT GO BACK IN THE HOT TUB.

And I will leave you with a pretty little photo of my Aunt’s windowsill pears…

Nutella + Banana + Melted Cheese + New Camera = Magic

My camera is awesome. I’m loving the macro capabilities and I decided to test them out on my breakfast yesterday.
Check it out.

Banana & Nutella on Toasted Wheat Bread and a simple Cheddar Cheese Omelet.

It’s like you could just reach through your computer screen and take a bite! I love it!

Here is a close up of some crispy cheesey omelet overflow:

Oh man it feels so good to be able to take pictures with a REAL camera again! I love my iPhone but SRSLY…NOT a real camera by any means…

Welcome Back to Me…

Remember me? Yeah…I know, it’s probably pretty fuzzy. It took me forever to get a new camera, but with the help of my buddy Imad and saving my ass off, I got a new camera. I’m not taking classes this summer, so I expect to be able to post regularly. Thanks for sticking with me.
Here’s my first “food” photo with my Olympus E-PL1 camera.

Roadtrip Gummy Bears!

More coming very soon!!!