When I was a little girl, all I wanted was to be near the ocean.
I remember my step brother going to the beach when I was eight or nine years old, and begging him to bring me back a bottle filled with sand and sea water.
I think he had probably been to the beach 20 times in his life at that point, so he looked at me sort of funny.
Thankfully, he’s a sweet guy and a good brother, so he brought me my bottle.
I recall sitting alone in my room and holding this olive oil bottle full of microscopic specks of glittery sand and fuzzy water up to the window so the sunlight could work its magic.
The light streaming through the blinds gently illuminated every swirling golden grain, and I looked up in amazement at all of these sparkly little bits.
I had in my possession, an actual part of the ocean!
And then I started crying.
I’m not sure why exactly.
Probably because I just really wanted to see the ocean.
The idea of something so vast, so limitless, so anonymous… it really stirred my little baby heart.
Just put my feet in the water.
To sit on the shore and feel the frothy sea blanket crash over my legs…I guess these thoughts were simply more than I could handle.
Much to my disdain, we were not a family who took vacations and sadly, Tennessee is landlocked.
I was a teenager the first time I ever saw the sea with my very own eyes, and the love affair has never ended.
I have been to the beaches of Florida, California, Mexico, and South Carolina.
And now I can add Devon, England to my list.
Oh gorgeous Devon…
All this sea watching stimulated the appetite.
So Fish & Chips it was!
Very much what we had hoped for.
I decided to skip this stuff though…
I think this has been here since 1972…
But seriously, how cute is our little receipt?
There was also interesting literature next to the table…
No time for Wookey Holes or crazy helicopters with giant inflatable children’s heads…back to the beach with us!
It was nice to see something familiar… I also <3 Nashville!
The town was lovely as well. Full of swans and little bridges…
I feel so abundant and overflowing with gratitude these days. So many of my dreams have come true and continue to do so. I am full of love and creativity for the first time in more years than I can honestly place. I sincerely wish everyone I hold in my heart could bear witness to all these twinkling miracles I get to experience on a regular basis.
I’ve always tried to be a good person. An honest person. Sometimes I have achieved this and other times I haven’t lived up to my own expectations.
But I have always had good intentions. I have always wanted to do well by others and kept a deep pocket of dreams tucked inside my chest cavity in hopes that I might find a way to have them become a reality.
I never imagined that I would find a man who could share these dreams, who understood my crazy brain and my restless soul and my need for both absolute peace and riotous adventure.
A person who can love me for all my sass mouthing, my moods, my child-like frustration with how the world works. But having love like this softens you. It strengthens you. I feel like I have so much to give!
Truly, My fountain is full of joy and spilling over into the streets.
This world is a gift. To be traveled and marveled at, to be shocked and confused by. We are meant to see it all. The things that make us ache with laughter and feel nauseated with sadness. It causes us to value our time here. Until we are all back into the ground or out into the stratosphere.
I swear I’m not trying to preach.
I’m just really fucking happy. And I find that I fight this a lot. I fight being happy. Because I haven’t ever been open enough to feel it or be capable of handling it.
It’s safer to always be on the edge of the abyss.
I hope you will stick with me and get something delightful out of my little experiences in this oh so strange world.
I’m just starting to really live my life and it’s more than I could have ever dreamt for myself clutching that bottle of dirty sea water so many years ago.
xx
